simple little things

I’ve been thinking about deadlines in my life – the ones I impose on myself versus the ones work imposes on me.  If I have a deadline at work, I may stall, or wait until the last minute, but damn if I don’t get it done every time.  Because I have to.  Because it’s my JOB.  But I have personal deadlines too, and most of the time I don’t meet them.  Sometimes I give up on the projects all together, citing lack of time.  Why do I always find time to do things for work (other people) but not for pleasure (me)? 

 I made a pact with myself a few months ago that I would set up this blog, and write in it at least once a week to express myself and have a creative outlet.  But here we are, months later, and this is only my third post.  I devote so many hours to work, that I rationalize that I don’t have time to blog, or to craft, or to call friends I haven’t spoken to in months.  I find myself frustrated at the end of each weekend, because I feel that I didn’t “accomplish” enough fun things in the time I had.  Everything is a deadline.  I feel off-kilter if I have unscheduled time.

This is not normal or healthy.

I need to be ok with the idea of spending time working on my own personal deadlines.  I have so many things that I want to do “someday,” but feel I don’t have the time to do now.  When exactly does this time appear?  When do I finish everything on my official to-do list, and allow myself the freedom of finding out what I truly want to spend my time and energy doing?

I would never ever spend half of my money on things that left me unfulfilled.  Why in God’s name am I spending half of my time that way now?